...only deader.

I woke up very close to sunset this evening, so I didn't have to wait long to head down to the guesthouse to have "breakfast." The girls have been adjusting nicely to their new environment. They've never lived so well, and they were thrilled when Cheryl arrived mid-morning with driver's licenses for the both of them. Of course, with the falsified documents allowing them to drive came the complaint that they had no vehicle.

Little did they know that their private garage was hiding a "Venom Red" 2008 Dodge Viper, which I showed them after giving them a few minutes to complain. Shay became weak in the knees and required my support to get back into the house. Though they were virtually speechless at such generosity, I warned them that should they create any difficulties with the use of this car, their next form on conveyance will be a used AMC Gremlin, and I showed them pictures to solidify the threat. Where they had experienced near-orgasmic delight with the Viper, they felt even greater terror at the idea of being seen in what was once voted "the Ugliest Car in America."

We also had a serious talk about finances. With various other forged documents now on hand for them, both have chosen to have half of their monthly allowance invested by my broker. In another generous gesture, I will be advancing a year's worth to the broker, thereby giving him more to work with and help bear greater fruit.

"But my ability to give has its limits," I told them. "I am doing all of this for you because of what you are doing for me. Thanks to you ladies, I no longer have to waste part of my evening tracking down a meal, or, worse yet, relying on a refrigerated supply of blood bags. You now have a home, a computer for each of you, a separate allowance for food, are enrolled in a private school, and have bought fresh clothes at my expense. On top of that, you both now have a car to share that costs upwards around $100,000. There is no rent or utility bills. In all these ways, you are very lucky.

"Access to my wallet, however, is about to come to a halt. I will be covering half of your insurance to drive this car. The two of you will cover the other half. I will also pay for none of your gas. Remember that all of this will be erased from your lives and returned to mine should you go out on a date and undo the key reason I've brought you into my life in this way. Always keep in mind that I can take away much more than I've given."

I tell you, these girls are astounding. After making my little speech, they showed me their rooms. Both have the same printout taped to their bedroom mirrors. It reads as follows:

REMEMBER!
Remember where you were when he found you.
Remember what you were prepared to do to eat.
Remember how desperate you were for a roof over your head.
Remember all that he has given in a very short time.
Remember that he hasn't asked you to die for him.
Remember that if you break his rules, there will be a heavy price to pay.
Remember that you are, under no circumstances, to break your silence about his true nature.
If you forget any of this, remember that you will never be able to outrun him or his fury if you screw up the good thing you have now.

I was stunned, to say the very least. While I have slept through the day, they have been making it clear unto themselves that they may never find better than what they have now. Yes, I literally ask them to bleed for me, but they are correct; I have not asked them to die for me. Most incredible is that this was not planned on anyone's part. I spoke, and they felt the need to show how deep their devotion to me goes. All in all, it was extremely touching.

For a minute, I could do little more than feel touched. If my heart still beat, it would have pounded with affection for these two teenaged angels. And when I found my voice, I asked, "Why? What inspired you to write...this?"

It was Tina who answered. "You're like the best dad in the world, only deader."

There was no stopping my laughter then, nor can I hold back the residual chuckle I'm experiencing now.